Slaughtering My Lamb

I always thought if I worked hard enough,
Love would find its way out of the rough,
And into my arms it would find home,
Into my heart it would roam.

I always thought it would feel so liberating,
For several silhouettes to be masquerading,
Through my ventricles and into the atrium,
But alas all I pour in is only an act of matyrdom.

Just me giving my life away,
Just you painting my insides grey,
Slaughtering my lamb to show all that I would do,
But in the end it doesn't mean what I hoped to you.

It's like I'm pouring all my blood down a drain,
Paying my dues yet the loan doesn't give me name,
Instead my arteries harden from the build up of grime,
A little false hope has turned into a huge waste of time.

While I am displacing tears for what should be forgotten,
The investment I've made is out spoiling rotten,
The purity is long since lost and ever spilling its worth upon the floor,
It's hands spread from five to seven to the devil's scepter it's opened the door.

And now it feels that all is lost,
With his heart being placed at high cost,
But this horse is in last place,
An all-in bet is dead to his disgrace.

I put my soul in this last ditch attempt,
For you to save me in an act to redempt,
The feeling that you threw under the bus,
All for someone else I knew I could never trust.

But another calls out your name from down the hall,
You've become a chew toy and he knows he has your all,
I'm on the failing cusp of what I have left and I have no where left to turn,
Will you save me from the hell you've thrown me into or just let me burn?

What did I do to deserve all of this,
Sure my mistakes have gone to piss,
But at least I care for you when you're in need,
Instead of just use you to cheat.

I tried so hard,
To be your trump card,
I've tried for so long,
To take you along.

But even after you had all I granted,
You threw away all you were handed,
Because what I have to offer is never enough,
A pretended interest of yours was just a bluff.

Why do I still want you so bad,
If you are something I never had,
Even when I have nothing left to give,
I still try to make you more, to spill every last drop of my life to live.