Stranglehold

This time doesn't feel right,
It is not the same,
The hope of the night,
Still hasn't came.

This feeling has never amounted to much,
To no one does it bring bliss,
Nothing from me is worth such,
The heart without your kiss.

Love ties the heart,
In the shape of a noose,
Either it makes a start,
Or leaves it without use.

This rope is death and life,
Strength this rope may behold,
Cuts like a knife,
In this stranglehold.

But that is the weight that I carry,
Knowing my love isn't worth a sound,
It is the same weight that will be used to bury,
Me in the ground.

Enfolding

Watch the end enfold me,
All is lost in my grasp,
Nothing left to see,
But a lonely heart collapse.

There is nothing left to heal,
Just a shell without escape,
Only pain to feel,
As inside I break.

Fall to me knees,
Hopeless and shattered,
I have ran out of pleas,
Beaten and battered.

And I fade away,
The emptiness has no pity,
As the blue turns to gray,
And I lose all amity.

The world has come crashing down,
Taking me down in flame,
Push me back underground,
Finding my hope doing just the same.

The last of thy strength,
Drained to try for you,
I know you will go to a great length,
To try and pull me through.

Tougher to Breath

We leave a trail,
To find our way back,
From the port we had set sail,
But what happened to the track?

The crumbs were lost among the wave,
Lost my hope and name,
Swimming in my own grave,
Never will feel the same.

Why can I not cope,
I can not seem to believe,
What happened to all that hope,
Why is it getting tougher and tougher to breath?

What happened to the blue skies,
They are hidden by an overcast of naught,
Blanketed by tears and cries,
In the air war is being fought.

How I miss the way you said it'd be,
All this reverie starts to stumble,
The sand that held you and me,
All the dreams and hopes just crumble.

Why can I not cope,
I can not seem to believe,
What happened to all that hope,
Why is it getting tougher and tougher to breath?

Reality check in swing,
The door will never open,
Feel the sting,
The heart left broken.

Once Upon a December

Memories make it so tough,
To just get up and leave,
When bound by chains of like and love,
Reality is so difficult to believe.

He seemed great in his prime,
Old habits used to be the way,
But all this used time,
You need to throw away.

So maybe some time near,
There will be no reason to hide,
You'll have nothing to fear,
As you conquered the once rising tide.

Hung up your gun,
This war is yours,
There is not reason to run,
When light is beyond the doors.

Just always remember,
The things you have been through,
Once upon a December,
This was not too much for you.

Consumed by the Lost

Lay and don't say a word,
Tears run down your cheek,
As the world turns absurd,
And you grow weak.

Even the softest pillow,
Seems to not break your fall,
He had you at hello,
Now on your knees you crawl.

And as the sirens blare,
This war is far from won,
The bleeding heart you bear,
Makes you think you're done.

The walls are coming in,
And you can't stand to breath,
Drenched in regret again,
Everything once cherished begins to leave.

But over time the pain goes,
And better you feel,
With any way the wind blows,
The scars always heal.

Our Love, Will Be Forever

It's cold outside I know,
But here it's not,
More pure than the snow,
This feels a little hot.

It's dark outside I see,
But here is a little lighter,
The love is enough for me,
To make everything a little warmer, a little brighter.

And our love, will be forever,
And we will always rise, we rise together,
And this fire, will keep on burning,
And this world, always keeps on turning.

So let's conquer, conquer together,
We know, that it is now or never,
These ties, we will never sever,
Because our love, will be forever.

Pay the Price

Just walk down the hall,
Tears in your eyes,
Got your back against the wall,
But don't feel like your out of tries.

They may beat you down,
With words so strong,
Your tears may make you drown,
But they were so wrong.

I don't want you to pay the price,
Your esteem shouldn't be sold,
Passing you by would be cold as ice,
To leave you without something to hold.

For moments you feel lesser,
Your skin is collapsing in,
We all feel the pressure,
Time and time again.

But if we let it give,
Leave us blind and deaf,
What will be your reason to live,
When in your arms there's nothing left?

I don't want you to pay the price,
Your esteem shouldn't be sold,
Passing you by would be cold as ice,
To leave you without something to hold.

Randolph the Black Pimp Reindeer

You know Manson and Stalin and Laden and Nixon,
Bonnie and Clyde and Dahmer and Simpson.
But do you recall,
A single infamous reindeer at all?

Randolph the black pimp reindeer,
Had so many fine does.
And if you ever saw them,
Your anatomy would grow.

All of the other reindeer,
Used to think that he was lame.
They all tried to cheat poor Randolph,
Never paying for his dames.

Then one cloudy summer eve,
Santa came to play.
"Randolph, Mrs. Claus ain't so tight,
Can I do one of your bitches tonight?"

Then all the reindeer loved him
They gladly paid the fee,
Randolph the black pimp reindeer,
Now it hurts everyone to pee!

6 Months of Love

Today we celebrate you and me,
Best friends we have come to be,
It has been six whole months together,
Though it feels like it has been forever.

Now we are stronger, me and you,
All this time our faith has grew,
Tested time and time again,
This way you always have a way to make my head spin.

Though occasionally our relationship may struggle,
But in the end we always find reason to snuggle,
Because our hearts are inner connected,
A love that our affection has protected.

When we meet and I am there,
I can't wait to finally play with your hair,
Such an anticipation to live a dream,
All these things so perfect they seem.

Until then I will wait,
A place for it to stay in my heart I will create,
I await from now on every day,
For my one and only Toni-Raye. <3

Simple Math

As everything flashes before my eyes,
Past regrets weigh my every step,
Meaningless acts and alibis,
Every moment I have wept.

These crashing waves of memory,
Washing me to shore,
All the people who held faith in me,
Waiting behind the door.

Help me open this gate,
Every second at the latest,
Let's turn over a new slate,
And build on our love that is the greatest.

Build the bridges to connect our path,
Before our lives come tumbling down,
You and me is such simple math,
This is our common ground.

Boards made of trust,
Put together with care,
Metal that can never rust,
As long as we are there.

It never is cold,
Our hearts provide all the heat,
A priceless value never sold,
Kissed with every beat.

Help me open this gate,
Every second at the latest,
Let's turn over a new slate,
And build on our love that is the greatest.

Build the bridges to connect our path,
Before our lives come tumbling down,
You and me is such simple math,
This is our common ground.

Light fills the deepest crevice,
Through the worst of all drought,
The power of radiance will let us,
Be polymerized until the sun burns out.

Even though the dark will always be enough to tempt,
The strength of our souls will carry,
Like the words said always meant,
Our skeletons we forever will bury.

Help me open this gate,
Every second at the latest,
Let's turn over a new slate,
And build on our love that is the greatest.

Build the bridges to connect our path,
Before our lives come tumbling down,
You and me is such simple math,
This is our common ground.

As we traverse these bumps in the road,
All these memories set in stone,
These burdens carry a heavy load,
Luckily you and I will never have to bear alone.

Simple Whore

She walks with swag,
The swing of the hip,
Queen of the drag,
Giving the slip.

Smooth legs with the short skirt,
Always looking her best,
A malevolent flirt,
Flaunting her chest.

A one night stand,
Yet she never is sore,
A way with her hands,
Such a simple whore.

A smile that hides countless lies,
An alluring aura of temptation and deceit,
Breaking hearts and causing cries,
Never admitting defeat.

The kiss of a demon,
Make-up hiding her true face,
Nothing more than a magnet of semen,
Tell me how does the truth taste?

Smile in My Sleep

It feels so real,
Like we have known each other forever,
Your sunshine is what I feel,
To me you've become the weather.

Drop by drop,
My heart has became full,
This love will never stop,
As you now are my heart and soul.

The first time in a while,
That I can hold my head high,
Face locked in a smile,
At the image of you and I.

The story remains being written,
And as the pages turn,
I become more smitten,
The fire just burns and burns.

We encounter mistakes,
But we never fail,
We have a bond that never breaks,
Because we write the tale.

Occasionally it may seem like a curse,
But we will make it past,
We have been through far worse,
And I know we can make it last.

The love exposes me to the light,
Making me feel serenely blessed,
It just feels so right,
Never having to be second guessed.

An elixir disguised as a poison dart,
Penetrating my mind so deep,
All of it is kept closest to the heart,
Making me smile in my sleep.

Not a Word

She stood by the window,
Her smile glistens so bright,
Her soul as white as snow,
Silhouetted by the light.

Burst out the door,
Brighter than the rising sun,
Keeping the world begging for more.
She came out as a bullet from a gun.

Her hair fluttered with finesse,
A butterfly searching for a drink,
From her eyes to her dress,
Something about her just really makes me think.

Why do I stare,
Is there a reason,
That I seem to care,
With the changing of the season.

She always stops to say hi,
But I never find the word,
So she smiles and say bye,
I'm never heard.

I have a clue,
Thanks to a little dove,
That maybe because of you,
I've fell in love.

Fairy Tale

The tides are turning,
An oasis turned blue,
The palm trees are burning,
The light shining on you.

And the world just stops spinning,
As the surrounding water dries,
Past memories ever thinning,
As they flash before my eyes.

The future unravels,
Seeming to fade away,
Any hope of travels,
Are no longer in the fray.

In the air is a sad sound,
A lullaby of naught,
As we come around,
A war lost yet never fought.

A utopia never tranquil,
Born from hopes and dreams,
Never moving forward, always still,
Coming apart at the seams.

Cold as winter,
As there is no sun to shine,
Pressured like a splinter,
Feet soaked with brine.

Yet I await for your veil,
On this black coarse sand,
I want my life to be a fairy tale,
And it will as soon as you hold my hand.

Tonight My Heart Dies

Is it worth the breath,
When there is nothing left to hold,
Nothing is ever as appealing as death,
In a world so wrong, so cold.

How even the night was bright,
The stars would shine,
But I can't find the might,
When you aren't mine.

The tears stain my hope,
Drowning my dreams for a better tomorrow,
How can one cope,
When their hearts only feel sorrow.

How am I supposed to stay,
When my emotions can't rest,
My life always ends up this way,
Miserable at best.

Nothing can ever be the same,
Without those piercing eyes,
Without your name,
Tonight my heart dies.

Shriveled up is my will,
As the sun has set forever,
All it'd take is one pill,
For my mortal attachment to sever.

Chains and Locks

You can read in my face,
Empty once again,
Will this be a last embrace,
As my heart is caving in.

I won't last for long,
We should have known,
I always do her wrong,
No more than skin and bone.

Jump in a hole,
You can fill it with dirt,
Fill it full,
Because I can't take the hurt.

The pain will always dig at me,
Leaving me apathetic,
With open eyes still too blind to see,
The life I live pathetic.

I don't think it is right,
To want a tomorrow,
Just the same mediocre trite,
In these arms of sorrow.

Just a closed door,
To a heart-shaped box,
Now nothing more,
Than chains and locks.

A Blur

All was good,
Til' something else came to town,
Now I worry as I should,
That something sent her tumbling down.

Something is eating away,
Herself is not around,
What's wrong I can not say,
As she is nowhere to be found.

Search high and low,
For an answer that isn't there,
So vivid yet it doesn't show,
It hurts so bad to care.

Because there is nothing I can do,
To make smooth out of rough,
All I know is salvation is out of view,
And that I am not enough.

I just don't comprehend,
Hieroglyphics is what it seems,
I just wish I could pretend,
That it doesn't haunt my dreams.

But it is all such a blur,
Every single night,
I only think of her,
Because nothing seems right.

Underneath It All

It is just the start,
Our race has just begun,
We must take to heart,
That it is far from won.

Time is our rival,
Always breathing down our neck,
Hoping not for our survival,
But for us to become a wreck.

We are stronger then to give in,
To the obstacles that may appear,
It will try again and again,
To make us fall into fear.

We will win the fight,
Conquer life's game,
Together our heart's light,
Will put the stars to shame.

We will stand for our pride,
Stand for our love,
Taller than the rising tide,
We will rise above.

It will take more than a black hole,
To rip us apart,
We are combined at the soul,
And at the heart.

As long as we stand as one,
We will never fall,
As we have already won,
Underneath it all.

Your Last

I searched for so long,
Never did I think this before,
That it would be so easy to get along,
When I found out you are everything I was searching for.

I know I won't be your first,
But who cares about your past,
I have but one thirst,
And that is to be your last.

I have come to decide,
It was now or never,
I want to stand by your side,
Not just now but forever.

The way the distance of land,
Doesn't stop us is a sign,
I'll hold your hand,
If you just hold mine.

I felt this itch,
The moment I fell,
To my heart you are the stitch,
Holding it together while the love may swell.

The love that binds,
Keeps me from haste,
When your lips I find,
They'll never lose taste.

Best I've Ever Had

With blinded eyes,
And deafened ears,
Countless lies,
Have led us here.

Hiding from everything I've known,
Cause I know none of it is true,
Never have I felt so alone,
Until I found you.

From the depths of Hell,
To the clouds in the sky,
To the heavens you propel,
As I learn to fly.

I was so torn and broken,
Before we began our descent,
Your words only once were spoken,
Yet forever etched in wet cement.

You were the friend to turn me around,
From my days of being sad,
Forever we feel safe and sound,
As Lily is the best I've ever had.

Wings of Desire

The stars pierce the sky,
Shining onto your hair,
Clipped wings with ambition to fly,
For they once took you anywhere.

Sit on a far off hill,
To watch the lights of the city,
You your side I fill,
Cause compared to your smile nothing is quite as pretty.

Sit there watching your usual poses,
As your voice soothes my ears,
A melodic bed of roses,
Blanketed in since dry tears.

Your words still enchant the air,
In perfect harmony they flow,
The way the sun glimmers in your hair,
Makes me never want to go.

But most of all,
It is how you make me smile,
When I just want to hide and bawl,
You make me want to stay a while.

Now you fly again,
Fly even higher,
Together we float into the wind,
On the wings of desire.

Stitched

So mislead,
She doesn't understand,
I wish she would notice instead,
That I'm fine as long as I can hold her hand.

There is no such thing as letting me down,
When she does something wrong,
Because I know she has turned my world around,
And made me so much more strong.

What makes you my cause,
Is your comprehension,
You think you are made of only flaws,
But if so they are stitched together with good intention.

Let's take it day by day,
Let our whole world unfold,
Finding a way,
To see what the future beholds.

Cause there is nothing quite as easy,
Than picking you to be mine,
Sure, life is always at least a little breezy,
But if it was always calm it wouldn't be worth the time.

Spinning For Us

With each and every blink,
You draw more near,
A fluttering butterfly looking for a drink,
In front of me you appear.

I feel the awe consume,
As my heart skips a beat,
Such beauty is in bloom,
With each step of your feet.

See your smile illuminate the den,
As nothing as never shined so bright,
I can't remember when,
I've ever seen such a sight.

All I know is that you're one of a kind,
With your gleaming inviting eyes,
The way you smile just blows my mind,
And you only come in fun size.

Since that day you walked to me,
And I fell in love with you,
I've never been so free,
The sky was never this blue.

This place was never so alive,
Before our verse met the chorus,
Together we survive,
Now the world is spinning for us.

A Toast to Kings

Hear the clock count down,
Count em' one two three,
Royalty with a broken crown,
What's left of thee?

You once stood so tall,
But your regime fell apart,
So quick it did fall,
Stolen dignity and shattered art.

Your once towering castle,
Is now just a collapsed house of cards,
Was it worth the hassle,
To think forever wasn't hard.

Damage beyond repair,
Never expect perfection to be the norm,
It takes more than prayer,
To survive the storm.

You lived thinking you were right,
Through the eyes of vivid reverie,
Thinking you were the shiny armor knight,
Practicing exceptional chivalry.

Pierced by reality's sword,
Dear king and queen,
It was cursed in your accord,
If you know what I mean.

Life is more than gold and jewels,
Do you finally understand?
You have been ignorant fools,
So hang on to the glory at your right hand.

The time bomb's ticking comes to a halt,
Hear it start to ring,
It was all your fault,
Here is my toast to the king.

These Rumors of Your Demise

You are being fed these lies,
Making it all feel real,
These rumors of your demise,
About how you're heart she may steal.

And I don't know,
How to feel,
Is she friend or foe,
Fake or real?

Promise me your safety,
As I am so scared,
You've seemed so happy lately,
To be you dared.

Our eyes are wide open,
You may live the world of reverie,
Just don't let those words be spoken,
Face her with bravery.

I have faith you will be fine,
But please be judge and jury,
Keep yourself in line,
And save the worry.

I know you have the fight in you,
Just don't let it tear you apart,
But even if you do,
I'll still pick up the pieces of your heart.

The Cadence of a Dream

I listen to the calm breeze,
Softly singing a lullaby so smooth,
To one’s ears it will please,
For the sound is intricate to sooth.

The arctic crisp air surges slickly through a breach,
Into my unvoiced room;
Vivacity is the decree in which it may beseech,
As the colors blinds one’s eyes with a boom.

The aroma of pine hovers in the air,
Within my little reprieve;
Out at the glorious world I stare,
Like it was my own world of make-believe.

This is but my room,
A place I habitually infatuate;
A place where even if I met my doom,
I would still feel great.

The air is always cold,
Such sumptuousness I reminisce,
As if it were plated in gold,
This place I always miss.

I slouch on the spongy bed,
Which makes comfort a law,
With a diminutive transom overhead,
And a soft pillow to brace my jaw.

The blanket is so fuzzy and supple,
Keeping me warm at night;
We act as a mutualistic couple,
And we are planes commencing into dreams we take flight.

These visions that flash in my head,
Make up the blood in my veins;
They are the butter to my bread,
Matching the brawn to the brains.

For where else can one dream,
In a world where anything can be done,
Where everything is as it seems,
And every game can be won?

There is nothing better than dreaming another sunset,
Watching waves crash from the sea,
As the illumination leisurely gleams our silhouette,
We the leaves shimmer on the world tree.

Closer on the soft brittle sand,
We lay picture perfect;
Soaking up the last of the sun-kissed land,
Making our days worth it.

Speaking in tongues of present and past,
We embark to moments once subsisted;
Reliving the memories that may have once put us in emotional cast,
Through the day our conversing persisted.

As the time passes us by,
And the shadows start to loom,
You can hear the stars cry,
As their luminosity begins to consume.

Clouds start to integrate,
Across the heavens they lunge,
A whole new world they create,
As they are squeezed like a sponge.

The rain simply washes away,
Washes away our sorrow,
An ideal way to end a faultless day,
Never having to worry about tomorrow.

The following morning I awake,
To the chirping of a bird,
Just as the day breaks,
I find myself back in the real world.

I am not sad,
For I know I will return,
To the place where nothing is bad,
The cadence of a dream I yearn.

Until then just sprawl out here,
And let the wind carry you there,
Together we can escape fear,
Where we can live without a care.

Submerge into the mystic,
And realize that everything is alright,
Even if it may not be realistic,
It can ease you through the night.

So listen to the tranquil breeze,
To its enchanting song,
Your mind it will please,
Taking you to the place where you belong.

Our Canticle

Hey there,
I know it's hard to deal,
But I'm here to care,
So tell me what you feel.

When all is wrong,
I'll try to make it right,
Together we are strong,
And we can sleep through the night.

If you just wipe your eyes,
I promise I will give my all,
Help you realize,
That I'll never let you fall.

When there is no sun,
And there are no stars,
I'll be the one,
Who will heal these scars.

These things that tear us apart,
The pain which we all have to feel,
These ruptures to your heart,
Are never too deep to heal.

I'm the judge and you're the jury,
We got pain on trial,
No need to worry,
I'll make you smile.

For there is nothing to fear,
We can pull off a miracle,
I'll always be here,
And this is our canticle.

All She Heard

Watch the stars burn yellow,
Through the heavens they shine,
Just me and you with smiles that bellow,
Knowing you're mine.

Laying upon the grass,
Dew sparkles all around,
Your eyes gleam like glass,
As we have our backs to the ground.

We exchange laughter,
Under the stars so bright,
Talking about the morning after,
And how forever begins tonight.

We raise to our feet,
Eventually more than just a friend,
Together our lips meet,
Into the heavens we ascend.

We dance under the moon,
As our feet take control,
We begins to spoon,
As we fall back to ground patrol.

Peering into each others eyes we laugh,
We just feel so safe,
You are my other half,
Keeping faith.

She slept the night through,
After I spared three last words,
I love you,
Is all she heard.

Juliet

The moment came,
When everything was just right,
The thought of you saying my name,
It made my night.

You took the wheel,
Released the brakes as well,
Showed me how to feel,
And wanted to I could tell.

The glimmer in your eyes,
And the grin on your face,
It never lies,
For our night's embrace.

Trust me with all you are,
As you shine through,
Shining more than the brightest star,
Simply you.

But nothing was sweeter,
Then knowing you felt safe,
My heart pumped every second a liter,
For you had so much faith.

My baby I love,
She's my very own Juliet,
She took me above,
Giving me a night I'll never forget.

A True Night's Romantic

Don't sleep just yet,
I think we need tonight,
To watch the moon set,
And embrace the sunrise's light.

Prove to ourselves that light is there,
Even when shrouded in dark,
That together we can bear,
The black with our fire by spark.

Together we will do our own,
Holding hands watching the sun rise,
Together we are not alone,
As we stare into each others eyes.

Knowing that through the night we stay,
Hoping to see dawn break's light,
Smiling with our hands a sway,
Noticing that your eyes still shine more bright.

Then we fall asleep,
As you my arms embrace,
Together the day we reap,
My chest to your face.

When we awake,
From waves sweeping the Atlantic,
Smiles erupt to our faces like earthquakes,
For we lived the night romantic.

Return

I feel us coming back,
As desire begins to build,
How should I react,
To this crack being filled?

I want to run away,
Go right past it,
All we had to do was stay,
Instead we climbed into a casket.

Breathing in sequence,
We are running in place,
Our sorrow happens in frequence,
Of when we can't embrace.

So let's turn back in time,
To what we used to be,
When you were still mine,
When my love was free.

I am just glad to return,
To this place I belong,
For your arms I yearn,
Where I can finally be strong.

Prey Beware

Listen to our bellowing cries,
Crashing through the night,
A wolf pack made up of alibis,
Under the moons all concealing light.

Hear it in the howl,
The scent of the red soaked white,
We are on the prowl,
And you’re the prey tonight.

The smell of blood is pungent in the air,
Like a gas line sprung a leak;
We stop and stare,
Studying the weak.

Synchronized in paces,
We become bullets tearing through the wind;
The cold burns our faces,
As if we were skinned.

We are gaining ground,
At astonishing speed,
Yet we make not a sound,
To give you any heed.

We pounce on arrival,
Like a bolt of lightning,
It’s essential to survival,
To instill a lifeless frightening.

We don’t mess around,
As it is a matter of life or death;
You’re stomach bound,
Once we steal your breath.

Under this moon of crescent,
The rest of your crimson blood will be spilled,
Once living a life effervescent,
Is now left killed.

You have met your fate,
Before me and my pack,
You’re the entrée and the world is the plate,
As we finish our attack.

We feel no remorse,
Feeding ourselves is no crime,
Nothing personal of course,
For we all have to die sometime.

The smell of blood is the notice,
That we will soon be there;
The land will still bestow us,
So prey beware.

So Perfect

For the first time in a while,
A little happiness I feel,
Today I've actually worn a smile,
Thinking of your head on my shoulder for real.

Whether I actually deserve,
Is up to debate,
But I remain surprised how you preserve,
That being together is fate.

Maybe it is our vision,
Of the day we meet,
Or it is our decision,
That there is nothing more sweet.

Either way it instills hope,
In a better tomorrow,
Without you I could never cope,
With all this sorrow.

Because when I know you are there,
It makes everything feel alright,
No matter how horrible or how much despair,
I know that we will make it through the night.

But most of all,
It is the future that lies ahead,
Our kids playing in the leaves of fall,
You falling asleep in my arms in bed.

The day we say "I do",
The day you bless the world with a son,
Are the thoughts that remind me I love you,
And that for me you are the one.

It all sounds so perfect,
At least to me,
It makes life worth it,
I've come to see.

For Once I'm Sure.

Blah. It is always great to think of that. Someone else getting what I want. And I may not be crying yet. But thats cuz the rents are in the room. I want it so bad. And truthfully, I know she knows it hurts me a lot. But I still try to hide it. Eh, who knows why. Someones crying himself to sleep tonight. Maybe more. Who knows. No one would notice anyways. But I guess I like it that way. Best part is I when I dream I live the thought instead of cry about it. Such an improvement. That's life. It hates me. It's a hate-hate relationship. But whatever. I still do it. Do it for you. No matter how big of a mistake you think it is. I wont let go. Ever. I love you, and nothing will change that. Even if it leaves me depressed forever. Whatever the price.

Liar

Your hand I want to hold,
But for now I don't deserve this,
Though it makes my heart feel cold,
It makes me feel so nervous.

I feel like I've done you wrong,
Since he changed it all,
A blink and it is gone,
Through the crack we fall.

Look at what I've done,
I've ruined what we once cherished,
What happened to when we were one,
Before all freedom perished.

It used to be you and I,
And we could be together,
We always were able to try,
And dream of being forever.

Now restrained by chain and lock,
I try and hide from how I feel,
A wall built rock by rock,
For my pain to conceal.

I am such a liar,
For saying I want you two to be,
You may of poured the gasoline but I started the fire,
I never wanted for you to be with he.

Don't Wake Up

You fell asleep,
And now you are shackled in Hell,
Your true dream you can't keep,
You're afraid, and I can tell.

What happens when you awake,
To see that this Hell is true,
How long until you will forsake,
The sanity holding together you.

These nightmares are reality,
Just don't wake up,
You will become the fatality,
So don't wake up.

Unfortunate loss,
That of your will,
Out for the coin toss,
Tails shows and your blood spills.

The legs cave in,
As you collapse to the ground,
Drenched in your sin again,
With no one around.

These nightmares are reality,
Just don't wake up,
You will become the fatality,
So don't wake up.

There is no way back from here,
You're lost in the deep end,
Drowning in your fear,
For yourself you can't fend.

It feels so alone,
As at the sound of her voice it falls apart,
We all should of known,
I won't be easy to fix the broken pieces of my heart.

These nightmares are reality,
Just don't wake up,
You will become the fatality,
So don't wake up.

Don't wake up,
Or you will be dead,
Don't wake up,
Or you will never be wed.

The Haunting of Love

I'm falling apart,
Loneliness is settling in,
I can not hold together my heart,
For I feel like we can never be the same again.

My dreams aren't the same,
As the joy they once were,
Now you say his name,
And I lack my cure.

The cure that once kept me sane,
Is now held in his embrace,
Now I just can hold onto pain,
And no longer kiss the beauty of your face.

Now I dream of him and you,
Together making each other smile,
Doing things that I always wanted to,
If I weren't separated by so many mile.

My love for you haunts me,
Like ghost may haunt a foe,
The cost is the me you see,
How could I let you go?

I followed my mind,
Instead of my heart,
Left my hope behind,
And teared us apart.

But what's new,
I always commit treason,
Against myself for you,
Your happiness is the reason.

As long as your happy I will,
I will sacrifice mine,
My heart I will spill,
If it helps you cross the line.

I Was the One

I can't stand what I do,
Make you feel sad,
I do love you,
But what I do is bad.

I never wanted you to cry,
Or feel like you did my wrong,
No matter how I try,
I can't stay strong.

I make you regret,
Following your heart,
You'll never forget,
How I fall apart.

You take the blame,
For my own fault,
It is not the same,
As the end result.

I just miss the way,
We used to be,
The things we could say,
When it was just you and me.

We could do anything together,
Even if it never could be done,
We called it forever,
And I was the one.

For now I miss,
What has come and gone,
The lost press of your kiss,
I hope it's not lost for long.

But until then I will feel depressed,
For I must think there of,
How he gets your lips pressed,
And he gets to love.

Cause I know there are other guys,
That you can fall for,
While this life I despise,
I liive it to hope you'll realize you like me more.

Follow Me Home

I wander around,
In search of what's left of me,
If it was never lost can it be found,
Or will it just cease to be?

The one I love is found here,
But she is no longer alone,
Someone else is holding her dear,
As I should of known.

Now I just look into her eyes,
And tears form to our faces,
We break into cries,
For we no longer have the same embraces.

Now we don't know what to do,
In this land we comb,
I walk away but keep looking at you,
Will you follow me home?

Once over the hill where you can not see,
I collapse to my knees and cry my heart out,
Just hoping you followed to find me,
And take away my hearts drought.

Waiting for your return,
Into my long since empty arms which miss you,
That inside my is dimly burning,
This love I still hold true.

Soak the Land

There's nothing to do,
I got the worst of it,
I loved you,
But now I just need to quit.

The American dream,
Has become the American nightmare,
Falling apart at it's seams,
I'm dying, but do I even care?

Why should I be alive,
When I don't want to be,
I'm down to the fourth quarter drive,
But I quit for it's too much for me.

If I put it in your hands,
Will you save me the pain?
Will my blood soak the land,
As my tears did the same?

FML

I let myself fall asleep. Biggest mistake of my life. I'm shaking. I woke up. Crying. I'm scared to death. I'm dying. Truth is, I could only be strong for so long. And that was because you still needed me. Now I'm a wreck, but what else would you expect. I always am. I shouldn't be alive. I know. I wish I could move on. My American dream has become my American nightmare. I know this night won't end pretty. But will blood really be enough? I doubt it. -sighs-

Heart Broken

Maybe he wants to leave,
But his heart still beats the same,
Without a way for him to breath,
He hears your echoing name.

He has lost his way,
As his road is now gone,
Will he see the light of day,
Beyond his depression so wrong.

Imprisoned, on a sinking ship,
He drowns behind bars,
Looking for the lips,
That had him living in the stars.

If he could find a way back,
He would run there at top speed,
Through the door and the crack,
To you it would lead.

He deadly misses the past,
When he was less sad,
Memories when forever they would last,
The time they never had.

He's filled the ocean with his tears,
As he lives with the words unspoken,
It was the worst of his fears,
Leaving his heart broken.

Huzzah.

I want to let you be free,
I let you though I never was ready,
This is the way I guess it has to be,
With my heart so heavy.

Truth is I don't want you taken,
But I just have to let you,
It might leave my heart breakin',
But I have to stay true.

Because deep down I care,
More about your happiness then I,
And it is only fair,
To let you be with another guy.

Inside I'm dying,
And time for me cry,
I'm so bad at lying,
Now it is my time to go and die.

Denial

Maybe I'm just afraid,
That I will lose you this way,
I think to you I might fade,
I just wish you could stay.

I risk my love,
By letting you go,
Let you let someone else take you above,
And I know.

You will not feel the same,
I will no longer get your hand,
Like always I'll lose the game,
My blood will soak this land.

But what's the use,
Of holding onto you,
I'll lose my muse,
But what's new?

For you won't like me forever,
No one will,
I'll have you never,
A pain no pill can kill.

Lost it all,
Swatted away like flies,
This is my fall,
As tonight my hope dies.

But why must I preach,
Will I ever just quit?
To your heart I'm just a leech,
I'll admit.

I know I'm not enough,
To really make you smile,
You are the diamond I am the rough,
The only reason you won't let go is denial.....

Peace of Mind

Just another one in the crowd,
Fighting for my chance to break through,
Of my accomplishments I may be proud,
But will that be enough for you.

I am strong enough to stand on my own two feet,
Or at least I wish that I could say,
My strength is my own defeat,
Because I am not a part of that cliche.

I am not the one who can hold his own,
Rather just watch me fall,
Once again feel so alone,
As I just witness me losing it all.

Why must I let everything pass me by,
Such a curse in which I possess,
Sometimes I wonder why I even try,
Let me tell you I'm a mess.

Just let me bury it,
Just to see it happen again,
Excavate the grave for it,
In a losing game can I win?

I am not the one who can hold his own,
Rather just watch me fall,
Once again feel so alone,
As I just witness me losing it all.

We all feel this weak,
At sometime in our life,
Such a losing streak,
That we find ourselves staring down the knife.

Cause we can't do it alone,
Without a tourniquet to bind,
Through this pain we have grown,
And left us with some peace of mind.

This Great Fire

A haziness fills the air,
This picture is foggy to the eye,
You stand there and stare,
As smoke trickles into the sky.

Still waiting for your loves return,
You gag on the all consuming fumes,
Your body begins to burn,
I am on my way you presume.

And through these thick flames,
You see my shadow in distance,
You hear me calling your name,
As you stand with resistance.

Trapped in this great fire,
But you trust me to break through,
Waiting for the thirst of desire,
Waiting for me to save you.

This burning paradise,
Is our test of endurance,
Once we prevail it will be nice,
As fall back on love as assurance.

I storm into this wall,
The heat is more then we can stand,
I come up to you as you fall,
I catch you and take your hand.

And through these thick flames,
You see my shadow in distance,
You hear me calling your name,
As you stand with resistance.

Trapped in this great fire,
But you trust me to break through,
Waiting for the thirst of desire,
Waiting for me to save you.

Once we are far enough away,
We drop to the ground,
We watch it burn to gray,
Without making a sound.

So much beauty within this disaster,
As it becomes but an ember,
A year later we have grew faster,
We still remember.

And through these thick flames,
You see my shadow in distance,
You hear me calling your name,
As you stand with resistance.

Trapped in this great fire,
But you trust me to break through,
Waiting for the thirst of desire,
Waiting for me to save you.

The ashes that pulled us together,
The smoke that once filled the sky above,
We knew it was now or never,
To prove our love.

We are left with only the memory,
Of the fire where our love made its start,
How much this event means to me,
And how it still burns in our hearts.

Cross the Line

You say the fault is your own,
But I know it is mine,
While they steal our throne,
We fall further behind.

This royal relation we possess,
Is being taken from under our feet,
Our beating hearts are left a mess,
We have fallen to this masked deceit.

So this is our last chance,
To make the lost found,
Recreate our first dance,
Upon this earthquake stricken ground.

Just follow the rhythm of the beat,
Synchronize our watches back in time,
Back to the moment where we meet,
And once again we will cross the line.

Let's run through this town,
Like bulls on parade,
Turn the world upside down,
Just to end up in the same masquerade.

This place is not the same,
I miss the days when these streets were home,
Back when me and you would play the game,
And through this city we'd roam.

So this is our last chance,
To make the lost found,
Recreate our first dance,
Upon this earthquake stricken ground.

Just follow the rhythm of the beat,
Synchronize our watches back in time,
Back to the moment where we meet,
And once again we will cross the line.

We are the lost,
Who now are the found,
The lines we have crossed,
Leave our hearts bound.

Friends hearts work together,
Like a bullet to a gun,
They live through all weather,
Because they beat as one.

Story of My Fall

I sit staring at the wall all alone,
Saying I know you won't let me down,
Been at this for days, I should of known,
That in your lies I would drown.

Slowly this silence is killing me,
I'm breaking down and freaking out,
Pull my heart out for you to see,
What this is all about.

What will it take to make,
You know that I need you,
How long until I break,
How long until your promise rings true?

I'll make you wish you never left,
As pieces of me fall to the floor,
This will be my last breath,
I can't stand thinking of you anymore.

Such a beautiful lie,
This writing on the wall,
To run you can try,
As my blood paints the story of my fall.

Tainted Faith

The nostalgia I feel is so immense,
This longing for what once was,
Break down a wall just to rebuild a fence,
Take a hit just to find out it killed the buzz.

Reach for your hand just to trip,
Full of deceit was this simple design,
Into the crack I would slip,
Caught up in thinking you were mine.

The air surrounding me now is still,
Feeling so cold and alone,
One thing that a apology can't fulfill,
For this is tainted faith grown.

But I won't let me bury it,
No matter how tough it gets,
Face down I still marry it,
This heart never quits.

Feel these walls come crashing in,
As the ground pulls me under,
Stuck in my trench again,
But I can't help but wonder.

She is looking at me,
Awkwardly from over there,
Should I of known it wasn't meant to be,
Should I care?

The air surrounding me know is still,
Feeling so cold and alone,
One thing that a apology can't fulfill,
For this is tainted faith grown.

But I won't let me bury it,
No matter how tough it gets,
Face down I still marry it,
This heart never quits.

I should of known,
This wouldn't just blow over,
Love this feeling being all alone,
I'm just missing a leaf as a four-leaf clover.

The Wind Sings

Take off down the road,
There is a long way 'til the end,
It may not be paved in gold,
But at least we are together my friend.

Run down this trail,
Like a bullet tearing through the wind,
Together we will prevail,
Like our lips set a grinned.

See the sun rising,
Like the smiles on our faces,
Our minds are memorizing,
The future our silhouette embraces.

And goodnight past,
You have come and gone,
Once you put our hearts in a cast,
But now they are beating strong.

Let's just await,
To find out what is ours,
The night is our escape,
To lay under the moon and the stars.

The wind sings a song,
Of our travel through the years,
How even when weak we became strong,
Through obstacles and fears.

Watch the time pass us by,
But we don't care,
We never question why,
Cause it left with us there.

Cause there's still tomorrow,
Another day to have our fun,
Forget the sorrow,
And just be through the rain and the sun.

Until These Tables Turn

I hate how this is,
I always find a way to make you mad,
You rarely find bliss,
Compared to this rush of pain and sad.

Let's try to get this straight,
Will we ever just get along,
Speaking in tongues that incarcerate,
Our happiness can't stay strong.

I try to make everything right,
But it'll never be enough,
Trying to save friendship through the night,
Just gets you mad at the love.

We listen but never learn,
These lessons to not lose what we had,
How long until these tables turn,
But I guess trying to save is bad.

You so easily take my efforts as vain,
Nothing more than a selfish endeavor,
To try and help you must complain,
Because best friends shouldn't be forever.

We shouldn't be playing this game,
You two are only running from yourself,
"But she's not the same!",
Isn't enough to put it on the shelf.

I try to make everything right,
But it'll never be enough,
Trying to save friendship through the night,
Just gets you mad at the love.

We listen but never learn,
These lessons to not lose what we had,
How long until these tables turn,
But I guess trying to save is bad.

But we will never just get along,
From the past you just walk away,
You let friendship be come and gone,
And it will catch up one day.

So run faster with your pride,
No signs of slowing towards a curve,
You can run but not hide,
We will never get what we deserve.

A New Beginning

As we begin to fall apart,
We have to make a move,
This ending shall become a new start,
When our friendship we smooth.

We will create a path,
Starting at this dead end,
It is but simple math,
And together we conquer, my friend.

For it is what we do,
Building up these bridges together,
For with me and you,
We will do anything to make it last forever.

Easy it will not be,
Some might say it can't be done,
But have faith in me,
And this war will be won.

Forever and always was a promise,
Which I intend to keep,
For deep inside your still my bliss,
And without you I couldn't breath to weep.

So look me in the eyes,
We can make it through,
We will throw our worries to the sky,
Even if it's the last thing we do.

Follow Me

Walk to the edge,
To see if you will follow,
Is my trust worth the pledge,
Or is this relation hollow.

Burst into tears,
To see if you're there,
Show you my fears,
To see if you care.

Fall from the sky,
Will you catch my fall,
Is it worth the try,
Or are you not there at all?

Come closer to me,
So you I can hold,
Maybe you will see,
That it is not because I'm cold.

I'm afraid to want you,
Because I don't know how to feel,
What can I do,
But ask if this is real.

I sense the light,
Trying to reach me,
There is an angel in the night,
Who I desperately want to see.

Listen to the silence so calm,
Slowly easing my mind,
As the light I hold in my palm,
Washing the doubt behind.

And soon the rain,
Will wash away the doubt,
Wash away the pain,
And I will finally know what it is all about.

A Wake Up Call

Open your eyes,
This is a wake up call,
Erase the lies,
Stand up from the fall.

Explode across the thin line,
You aren't one to follow the code,
Intricate by design,
You are better then to fit the mold.

A still frame of the same,
You don't have to be bleak,
Don't wear society's name,
Don't be afraid to be unique.

When the rain falls down,
Dance in the rain,
When there is someone else around,
Go out and act insane.

You don't have to blend in,
No one wants to be dull,
Just pick yourself up again,
It is time to cull.

A still frame of the same,
You don't have to be bleak,
Don't wear society's name,
Don't be afraid to be unique.

Deafening silence fills the room,
Randomly yell and wail,
You are crazy they may assume,
But you bring upon a tale.

Sing a song of your own,
You don't have to follow canticle,
Who cares if you sing alone,
You aren't just another invisible.

A still frame of the same,
You don't have to be bleak,
Don't wear society's name,
Don't be afraid to be unique.

They may stare,
As you put society on the shelf,
To fit in you need not dare,
Just go out and be yourself.

Take My Heart

The first time we met,
You stole my heart,
Your voice I let,
Become my dreams start.

I could never impress,
There is nothing you could see,
And I would never guess,
That you'd ever love me.

Your smile made me silent,
To my heart it was a link,
I became reliant,
Even though I wasn't enough to even make you think.

In love I was stuck,
And somehow I knew,
That I had a little luck,
As faith in you grew.

And I felt it inside,
You were the sun,
Bringing life to the divide,
Where darkness once had run.

And then I finally told you,
As you wore that radiant smile,
Such a glorious view,
When you asked me to stay a while.

You took a stand,
And said "let's make a start,
I take your hand,
You take my heart."

Walk On Water

This is our chance,
To make everything right,
Take my hand and we'll dance,
Just me and you tonight.

And we will throw out our worry,
Forget our regrets,
The future will remain blurry,
Like our mystic silhouettes.

Just follow our feet,
Together we will walk on water,
Face to face we meet,
Like father to daughter.

And our smiles collide,
Breaking the still of the air,
Even the dark had to hide,
For only light would dare.

We lit up the whole sky,
Like we were a sun,
We just never asked why,
Standing in the wreckage of a job well done.

Let's Make Amends

Into the night,
So silent and broken,
We talk of this fight,
Harsh words are spoken.

Stuck in between,
I take all the blows,
Two best friends seen,
Soon become foes.

But they don't stop and ask,
Who hurts the most,
They are more worried about their task,
As I become toast.

This has gotten me more down,
Then anything before,
All I do is drown,
In the ocean longing for a shore.

But what can I do,
Only complicate the scene,
For once it is both of you,
Tearing apart my dream.

I stare down the barrel,
As your fingers you draw,
Collapsing in peril,
I fall without being saw.

You're just too busy,
Caught up on the shelf,
Don't even miss me,
As you think for yourself.

Now look at me,
And try to make amends,
Please try and see,
That you can still be friends.

Two Become One

I'm on the the edge,
Looking into the depths of the sea,
I plunge over the ledge,
As it all disappears before me.

And I just stare,
As the whole world slips away,
To question why I do not dare,
For I know my heart has gone astray.

I can hear the voices calling,
Listening to what they said,
Claiming that I'm not really falling,
But it is just in my head.

What is really happening here?
No one is around as I seem to plummet,
Where are these voices that I hear,
And what happened to the summit?

I cannot help but convulse,
On my way down,
Searching for the pulse,
To take on the ground.

But then I awake,
To you holding me so close,
It was you that had me a shake,
And you lost me almost.

I collapsed before you,
But you hit the floor first,
You knew what you wanted to do,
To catch me you had the thirst.

I was out for but a second,
You wanted to stop it all,
The tear in your eye beckoned,
As you dived under my fall.

You look me in the eyes,
But a word we will not say,
Just a smile screaming surprise,
As two became one that day.

Awaking From a Coma

I want to see the light,
That has been slowly slipping away,
I want to not cry at night,
When thinking of those days.

I want to be able to be fun,
Who I used to be,
But am I strong enough to run,
And become the old me.

Can I beat my emptiness,
That currently consumes my mind,
Will I be able to remember this,
Person I had left behind?

Can I change my name,
To change my persona,
I'm not the same,
Can I awake from a self-inflicted coma?

I've created a monster out of myself,
And sold my being to live another day,
I line up fourth and twelve,
In this pass I must pray.

Tonight I may not sleep,
I need to undo the stitching,
My mind needs to be changed so deep,
And this new me needs ditching.

I just hope my best is good enough,
Though I know it never is,
I know the road is long and rough,
I'm sorry if I don't make it out of this.

Finding a Reason

Through missing truth,
And endless lies,
We live our youth,
In broken cries.

Reaching so far,
With our arms too short,
We reach for a star,
Wishing as a last resort.

Hoping to become more,
Then just another mistake,
We wish to know the reason for,
Our life in this reality so fake.

If we chase the sun,
Will we ever reach it's shine?
If towards the light we run,
Will its radiance become mine?

Or will we just burn up in it's heat,
Melting away our soul,
May it's beauty be no more then deceit,
With it's harmful glow.

Either way we will look,
We will find the reason to be,
And we will write in this book,
About the truth we did see.

Happiness comes from each other,
For in ourselves we are free,
Your my sister, I'm your brother,
And happiness is knowing that it is all about you and me.

Kill the Fear

Wake up in the middle of the night,
Soaked with fear in your bed,
Something you know is wrong but you fear is right,
Is the image within your head.

A brutal picture is inscribed in your mind,
Of an event you fear will take place,
In your dreams you've come to find,
A game of failing face.

You know it is fake but can't let go,
Of all these visions that haunt your sleep,
They won't leave even though you know,
That those promises I will keep.

You must face your fear,
For them to leave,
To your eyes they may seem drear,
But you have no reason to grieve.

Reach out your hand,
And take mine to save my life,
When I knock you down take a stand,
And remove from my hand the knife.

It is the best way,
To conquer these images that haunt you,
To know you'll prevent that day,
When you face the things you do.

The Broken Word

I'm looking in your eyes,
As you slowly fall apart,
Fed upon past lies,
How they almost stole your heart.

You break out in tears,
Knowing you believed it all,
The truth had been your fears,
And you began to fall.

The saddest story ever told,
Repeats once again,
When love is a lie they may behold,
You wonder why you let it begin.

Reminds me of my past,
Finding hope in the lies,
Love only will last,
If truth holds its ties.

We are one and the same,
And know how it may feel,
But whenever I say your name,
Remember ours is real.

How It Feels

In that moment I felt complete,
Upon knowing we felt the same,
Any pain became so obsolete,
When you said my name.

I paused for just a moment,
And my heart skipped a beat,
For her my heart had known it,
But knowing she felt the same took me off my feet.

Nothing has ever felt better,
And nothing is more worth it,
When you spelled out those letters,
For once I felt perfect.

And when I laid in bed,
All I did was smile,
I giggled a little and said,
"So this is what makes life worth while".

And I'm head over heels,
For I know it is true,
You have no clue how good it feels,
To see you say I love you.

Awh [:

Toni's so sweet. [: <333

When the Begininning Becomes an End

"I know this hurts you,
But I feel like I must,
It is what I do,
And in you I trust.

I miss my days as a kid,
When the world was flawless,
But I grew up in a skid,
And I want to again be careless.

I want her so bad,
Is it a crime to be in love?
I know it may make you sad,
But to me it is a blessing from above.

I do this for me,
God helps those who help themselves,
This is who I want to be,
Even if it hurts yourself."

I know you want this,
And think this is meant from above,
But just because you feel it in her kiss,
Doesn't mean you're in love.

Careless is what you have become,
To act young you're in such a hurry,
It has became your custom,
To be too young to worry.

But you still are a kid,
Even though the world has changed,
And all the ways you did,
Just left the true you disarranged.

I know you never will believe me,
Because you convinced yourself that you're right,
But this just isn't meant to be,
And I'll stick by that as long as I am in the light.

I know where this will end,
With you hurt where you breakdown and cry,
I hate to tell you my friend,
But when it does happen I will die.

I am just dragging you down anyways,
So I guess it won't be too bad,
You'll see better days,
When I am not around to be sad.

What is Love?

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest??
-it isn`t love, it`s like.

You can`t keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right??
-it isn`t love, it`s lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
- it isn`t love, it`s pride.

Do you want them because you know they`re there??
-it isn`t love, it`s loneliness.

Are you there because it`s what everyone wants??
-it isn`t love, it`s loyalty.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand??
-it isn`t love, it`s low confidence.

Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don`t want to hurt them??
-it isn`t love, it`s pity.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat??
-it isn`t love, it`s infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them??
-it isn`t love, it`s friendship.

Do you tell them every day that they are the only one you think of??
-it isn`t love, it`s a lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake??
-it isn`t love, it`s charity.

Do you disregard yourself and don't care what you want at all, only what they do??
-it isn't love, it is caring

Do you feel you can't live without them??
-it isn't love, it is dependence

Do you never want to be without them??
-it isn't love, it's obsession

Do you accept and want their faults because they`re a part of who they are??
-then it`s love.

Meh.

Have you ever felt like this,
When a day starts good and ends with hopes to be dead?
You may re-encounter someone you miss,
But you won't be able to go on until you bled.

You know it will only get worse,
But I have to step aside,
I must live with this curse,
Even if kills me inside.

I will support you,
But myself will fall,
I don't know what to do,
When my will isn't left at all.

I can't try to control,
Just watch and bleed,
Even if the blades dull,
It is all I'll need.

I hold regret,
Towards the ones who care,
But I can't forget,
How her ways will tear.

I only live for you now,
I can't leave you behind,
I don't know how,
I will ever take back my mind.

Just go back to my ways,
To keep me alive,
I won't live again for these days,
Instead I'll just survive.



I deserve it. Fuck it. I'm meant to be this way I guess.

Toni-Raye's Anniversary Poem

Two months have gone by,
Since the first day we talked,
It started with your hi,
And led to talking about you getting stalked.

It took but a few days,
For me to like you,
I guess it is just your ways,
And the same things that we do.

Let go of the mad,
And in with the new,
To meet you I am glad,
And I have fallen in love with you.

So many attempts we’ve had,
At staying up all night,
When it comes to staying awake you are bad,
And never see the break of daylight.

One time you went to the pool,
And texting me took a stop,
I found it kind of cool,
That you lost your top.

I didn’t get to see,
But I still got a good laugh,
It was funny to me,
Even though it happened to my better half.

But most important of all,
Is we have come all this way,
An anniversary you may call,
This special day.

For now I love you,
And you like me,
Through this time we’ve grew,
And together made so many memories.

So happy anniversary to my girl,
And I have a lot to hope for,
Toni, you are the best in this world,
And I wish for us to see many more. :]<333

Lily's Birthday Poem

Happy birthday,
To the one and only Fearasaur,
Nineteen weeks and I must say,
First time you’re the big one four.

Phail frog is quite strange,
With her addiction to excess butter,
Who over time has changed,
But I still love her.

We party in the tub,
Everyday baby,
It is our own little club,
Where we all act crazy!

She acts all black,
But at her heart she is not that way,
In the future she might wear white and slack,
As a member of the KKK.

And as she grows old,
We will travel all around,
To places far from cold,
Where awesomeness can be found.

But until then she will just chill,
Waiting for her time,
Where rap she will,
To her favorite rhymes.

And when we meet,
We will go crazy,
Our lives will be complete,
And for a few days we will be less lazy.

Sleep is her passion,
And for naps she always finds time,
It is her favorite fashion,
And our group naps are mine.

But I digress,
I’ll send you on your way,
But I wish for the best,
And that you have a great birthday. [:

Not For Sale

The perfect crime,
Our hearts unlock these doors,
You steal mine,
And I will take yours.

We come to find,
Them trying to tear us apart,
They may change our minds,
But they can never change our hearts.

They can not stop us,
Together we will always prevail,
For in each other we trust,
And our love is not for sale.

We may be young,
But we aren't dumb,
As long as there is air in our lungs,
They won't make us numb.

For we believe in love,
And we will stay together,
As long as our hearts feel above,
We will be forever.

Nightmare

You look me in the eyes,
And you say your gone,
My hurt I can't disguise,
And I ask what I did wrong.

You stare at me some more,
And come around to say,
I just don't want you anymore,
I don't see why I loved you anyway.

How could my life become,
A life so drear?
What could I have done,
To save my tear?

Why does it have to end,
With everything I fear?
Is this my fault my friend,
That the outcome is so unclear?

You walk away,
Leaving me all alone,
Your hips you sway,
I should of known.

He takes you by the hand,
And I break right there,
Fall down to the land,
Why must life be so unfair?

How could my life become,
A life so drear?
What could I have done,
To save my tear?

Why does it have to end,
With everything I fear?
Is this my fault my friend,
That the outcome is so unclear?

I cry myself to sleep,
On a bed of nails,
They stab my back so deep,
Then a deep breath exhales.

I wake up and see,
You are still right there,
My beauty rests beside me,
It was but a nightmare.

How could my life become,
A life so drear?
What could I have done,
To save my tear?

Why does it have to end,
With everything I fear?
Is this my fault my friend,
That the outcome is so unclear?

You open your eyes,
And smile so wide,
You let out sighs,
And ask why I cried.

It was just a dream,
But it gave me a scare,
You were gone it may seem,
But it was just a nightmare.

Harmony Convos. We really have each others back. [:

Me being there. (:

Brandon says:
....
are you ok?
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
yea..
Brandon says:
what you just posted on your blog says otherwise.....
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
im fine.
Brandon says:
you sure? i am really concerned
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
i'll survive..
Brandon says:
i know
it just hurts me to see people like this
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
I'm sorry..
Brandon says:
people care
i feel you are lying to yourself
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
Or I just know what people realy think.
Brandon says:
-.-
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
I'm just pessimistic.
Brandon says:
harmony....
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
I vent sometimes.
Brandon says:
yea....
but believe it or not i am person, i care, and i dont hate you, you're not a bitch, and i infact want you here
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
makes one person.
Brandon says:
one person can make all the difference
do you think anyone really likes me?
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
i do.
Brandon says:
in real life now one does
no one
they use me
and when it becomes inopertune they turn their back
they dont give a shit
and that one person that actually is there
can make all the difference
it provides reason to be
your will
you let it stall
the air so still
i will catch your fall
your faltered smile
it brings me sorrow
i search for reconcile
in hope to fix it tomorrow
your blood
it spills
you let it it flood
the thought.... it kills
just close your eyes
you WILL find salvation
in your broken sighs
we will end this fixation
you can make it out
i know you can do it
i have no doubt
just never let yourself forefeit
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
what if i dont want to anymore.. what if i dont care, and i just.. can't handle anything anymore..
Brandon says:
no longer
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
what if i gave up long ago..
Brandon says:
will you suffer alone
you're only getting stronger
from these seeds that have been sewn
you really want to give up that easy?
i, myself, have said ive given up far too many times
in fact let me tell you
on st patricks day 2007
i had the biggest let down of my life
this girl...
i had loved her so much
and i found out she liked me two weeks previous
she was my light
i had longed for so long
i finally got the courage to go up and ask her what would have made my life complete
she told me she would think about it
an hour later i was walking up to my 6th hour class
right there
she was right next to the class
swapping spit with another guy
never had i felt so cold.
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
..that's heartbreaking.
Brandon says:
i lost all hope that very moment
i tried so hard to fight the tears
i couldnt..
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
what a bitch..
that hurts..
Brandon says:
that night
i laid in my bed
knife in hand
i had it up to my throat
i decided to give up on myself
and do what i felt was self-righteous
just as i started to press it against my neck i got a call
it was from her
she was worried
she knew how much i liked her
but she had previously fallen for him when she was in band camp
she didnt know how to break the news to me
she hadnt known my class was there
she talked me out of it
she is the only reason im alive today
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
woah.
Brandon says:
this situation is different, yes
but you should never give up hope
ever
and just the thought of anyone that does
brings tears to my eyes
reminding me of my own ignorance i posessed that day
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
it's so.. difficult..
Brandon says:
i know you are stronger then that
i know you can prevail
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
i know i can be too, but i just.. can't, anymore.
Brandon says:
but you have to have hope
i have faith in you
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
i dont know how you do this.
to me.
>.<
thanks..
it means alot..
Brandon says:
do what?
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
the whole.. story thing.. idk
you actually affected me.
Brandon says:
the thought of it brings me much depression
but i believe my own mistakes should be used to learn from
and if i think it can help someone
i grin and bear it
but seriously
other then her and you
no one knows about it
* harmony - Cause the view from below, gives me no hope, you know.. says:
people eventually learn to learn from their mistakes.. it's life. so we dont do the same mistakes & regret it even more.
really..
Brandon says:
just dont let yourself become what i was that day
i like you a lot, and if that happened to you, i seriously do not know what i would do
* harmony - Cause the view from below, gives me no hope, you know.. says:
I love how we just met yesterday..
And are already this close..
Brandon says:
this maybe
but one day can be the difference in your life
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
already is,
otherwise i prolly would've slit my throat or something already...
Brandon says:
i know you still arent through
but never give up hope
ever
i promise you this, until the day i die, you will always have at least someone who cares, ever so much, and is willing to sit down and make sure you know they have faith in you
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
okay..
Brandon says:
dont fall victim to yourself
you will prevail
i promise
now i need to sleep
* harmony - I love to hate myself.. says:
okay


Harmony being there

Brandon says:
but i cant fucking pull this off.
* hαrмony ;; says:
yes you can
i believe in you, brandon sussex
Brandon says:
well thats one more person then should.
i dont even fucking believe in myself anymore.
* hαrмony ;; says:
i dont believe in myself either.
but i believe in you
and i know you can make it through
i promise you can.
you're a strong guy
you just dont know it .
Brandon says:
nor will i ever know it.
* hαrмony ;; says:
yes you will.
Brandon says:
i let myself be walked all over.
by any and everyone
weak willed.
* hαrмony ;; says:
then stand up for yourself for once.
it's easier to let yourself be walked all over i know
but dont let that happen
Brandon says:
after being trampled i lack the power.
* hαぢмony ;; says:
you'll get more strength once you get up from the ground.
Brandon says:
ever time i stand up the ground only crumbles below me and i fall farther.
the crutches tend to break underneath me
* hαrмony ;; says:
build a bridge.
Brandon says:
i try
and it collapses
* hαrмony ;; says:
built it stronger.
i'll help you build it.
i'll walk across it first to see if it's safe.
Brandon says:
harmony.... believe it or not, i think you are the only person who hasnt let me down really.
thank you.
* hαrмony ;; says:
everyone needs that kinda friend.
you're welcome.
Brandon says:
-hugs tightly-
* hαrмony ;; says:
-tackles-

Where We Belong

No one knows,
What tomorrow may bring,
Our fear it shows,
How we know not a thing.

We hold on too long,
To what used to be,
I wrote this song,
As a reminder to me.

That we need to castaway our flaws,
In order to let go,
Our aching hearts and broken jaws,
Go with the flow.

So take us away,
To the place where we belong,
Where we can seize the day,
And forever stand strong.

Where we know,
That all is just right,
Where a cool wind blows,
And we can see the stars at night.

Where we know we can rest,
Knowing that we are happy above,
Our hearts are the best,
Because they are entwined in our love.

Take my hand,
And we will erase the past,
This can be our final stand,
But forever it can last.

If we only live for yesterday,
There cannot be a tomorrow,
We will never be happy that way,
Only drown in our sorrow.

So please join my heart,
And see that we are all we'll ever need,
And I promise we will never be apart,
But we will end up wherever our love may lead.

So take us away,
To the place where we belong,
Where we can seize the day,
And forever stand strong.

Where we know,
That all is just right,
Where a cool wind blows,
And we can see the stars at night.

Where we know we can rest,
Knowing that we are happy above,
Our hearts are the best,
Because they are entwined in our love.

Just don't say you aren't able,
Because I know you can,
Together we can turn the tables,
And never have to face what had began.

Just listen to my voice,
And we can drift away,
It is your choice,
If you want to see a new day.

But remember our dream,
Where together we could be forever,
It is only possible if we work as a team,
It is now or never.

So take us away,
To the place where we belong,
Where we can seize the day,
And forever stand strong.

Where we know,
That all is just right,
Where a cool wind blows,
And we can see the stars at night.

Where we know we can rest,
Knowing that we are happy above,
Our hearts are the best,
Because they are entwined in our love.

I Hope This is What You Wanted

When all is said and done,
Then what will become of us,
Will we be looking down the barrel of a gun,
Will we be able to trust?

We can't turn back time,
And you will be so full of regret,
Trying to make you realize now is a crime,
But I know your actions you'll never forget.

Right now you feel it is right,
And it is what you wanted,
But after will you cry at night,
For your past will be your future haunted?

Become what you never wanted to be,
But I guess that is what you wished for,
I just wish you weren't so blind to see,
That it'll make her hurt that much more.

I don't mean to seem to know all,
But this I'm sure,
You're "love" for her will fall,
And for your mistakes I have not a cure.

This won't only make you cry,
I will fall twice as hard as you,
You still don't get that my life I try,
And your the reason I live life too.

But right now you feel it is right,
And it is what you wanted,
But after will you cry at night,
For your past will be your future haunted?

Become what you never wanted to be,
But I guess that is what you wished for,
I just wish you weren't so blind to see,
That it'll make her hurt that much more.

I just hope the old you wasn't a cost,
And she hasn't melted away,
For if the innocent you was lost,
I could not live another day.

I know people change a lot,
But they never lose who they are,
You were all that I had got,
And I can't lose my shining star.

But right now you feel it is right,
And it is what you wanted,
But after will you cry at night,
For your past will be your future haunted?

Become what you never wanted to be,
But I guess that is what you wished for,
I just wish you weren't so blind to see,
That it'll make her hurt that much more.

I don't care about myself a bit anymore,
I just can't until I bring the old you back to life,
And if I fail I have not the will to live for,
And my throat will find the knife.

Nothing Feels Real Anymore

I lost my motivation,
To care for myself,
Now I just feel the sensation,
Of putting me on the shelf.

But the cuts are never too deep,
So they all will heal,
Revealing scars in my sleep,
To show how I feel.

The scars are born,
From all the careless ways,
Where I make my skin torn,
From all these careless days.

Cause nothing feels real anymore,
And to express myself I can not dare,
Me I can't be caring for,
Because it is for you I must care.

I don't need to care what I want,
For that will get me nowhere,
Even if my mind it haunts,
And it won't ever leave there.

Pull back the skin,
To show how I feel,
Again and again,
To make me think I'm real.

The scars are born,
From all the careless ways,
Where I make my skin torn,
From all these careless days.

Cause nothing feels real anymore,
And to express myself I can not dare,
Me I can't be caring for,
Because it is for you I must care.

Bandages can hide my pain,
But for my pain I don't give a damn,
On my skin it is just a stain,
To show who I am.

Run from my light,
The dark has it's place here,
It is not worth a fight,
The dark is nothing to fear.

The scars are born,
From all the careless ways,
Where I make my skin torn,
From all these careless days.

Cause nothing feels real anymore,
And to express myself I can not dare,
Me I can't be caring for,
Because it is for you I must care.

Pull back the sheet,
To reveal the ending,
The story is complete,
To end this pretending.

Run from my desire,
It doesn't matter that I'm no longer real,
You have put out my fire,
So for what you want I can feel.

And nothing feels real anymore,
And truly about whats right for you I don't give a damn,
If you want it to end with you sore,
Then I must hide from you who I am.

I am locked away,
Nothing to worry about anymore,
I won't see another light of day,
For here comes the end that you prayed for.

Mistake

The hardest part is falling down again,
I'm a fool to just watch you walk away,
I am trying to tread water without being able to swim,
In the depths of our pool of decay.

You are falling deeper then you'd ever imagine,
And to say the least it is all my fault,
It is beyond my ability to sit and fathom,
Why I allowed this to become a result.

Anythings that's left is yours to keep,
I don't think I will ever wake,
All that's left is me in eternal sleep,
To pay for the most important mistake.

Burn

Look at yourself in the mirror,
You pathetic fool,
You cannot fight your fear,
And are just a simple tool.

You say you are alright,
So you can add liar to the resume,
You can't even write,
Let alone be okay.

Now go back to your stupid ways,
If you are lucky they will let you die,
Instead of putting up with these days,
And just breaking down into a cry.

You scream in silence,
But they will never hear you,
You have no reliance,
There is nothing you can do.

So worthless you are,
You will never save her so don't even try,
You don't matter for you are a far,
And you know she will just lie.

So let the blood flow,
From this big gash in your throat,
And let your love go,
So you can finally sink instead of float.

It doesn't matter anyways,
She will move on without you,
She will see better days,
Since she can do whatever she wants to.

You just weigh her down,
And keep her from living dumb,
So put on your frown,
And make yourself numb.

Numb from your own mistakes,
From which no one will learn,
You don't have what it takes,
To save her from this burn.

Left in Peace

Sometimes I wonder,
Why I'd rather live then die,
My whole life is a constant blunder,
I don't even know why I still try.

I can't take this anymore,
With all these pieces of my heart,
What am I fighting for,
It's only tearing me apart.

I love you to death,
I really do,
But I'm running out of breath,
And it is because of you.

I lived this once before,
It destroyed my life,
It left me living sore,
And added the knife.

And now I live,
Knowing that I let you down,
I fail at the one thing I'm meant to give,
And in my blood I drown.

Please just let me die,
Let my pain release,
Don't even cry,
For I will leave in peace.

Fearasaur

Run away, run away, run away,
A one of a kind being is coming,
Gotta say, gotta say, gotta say,
Don't stop a running.

Already know, already know, already know,
She's quite the beast,
Starting to show, starting to show, starting to show,
Her teeth to say the least.

Run to the hills,
Hide in the trees,
Before it kills,
Or brings you to your knees.

She has thirst for you,
You can hear it in her rawr,
There is nothing to do,
But beg for mercy from the mighty Fearasaur!

Listen dear, listen dear, listen dear,
Maybe she's not as viscous as she may seem,
Nothing to fear, nothing to fear, nothing to fear,
She is less a nightmare but more a dream.

Call her name, call her name, call her name,
She won't give you a struggle,
Play her game, play her game, play her game,
And if you're lucky you'll get a snuggle.

Run to the hills,
Hide in the trees,
Before it kills,
Or brings you to your knees.

She has thirst for you,
You can hear it in her rawr,
There is nothing to do,
But beg for mercy from the mighty Fearasaur!

Don't pretend, don't pretend, don't pretend,
That she isn't a beast so fine,
My bestest friend, my bestest friend, my bestest friend,
And she's all mine. [:

Castaway

Her dad was a drunk,
Her mom was an addict,
Their girls heart was sunk,
Locked in an attic.

Her only friend,
Was a little toy bear,
It was old and worn at the end,
And had patches of hair.

She always talked to it,
When no one's around,
She lays there and hugs it,
Without a peep of sound.

Until her parents so vain,
Unlock the door,
Some more and more pain,
She'll have to endure more.

A bruise on her leg,
A scar on her face,
Oh how she may beg,
In such a horrible place.

But she grabs her bear,
And softly cries,
She loves her parents because she cares,
But they want her to die.

She sits in the corner,
Quiet but thinking,
"Please God, why am I a loner,
And I'm always sinking? "

Such a bad life,
For a sad little kid,
She'd get beaten and see a knife,
For anything she did.

Then one night,
Her mom came home high,
And the girl was beaten out of sight,
As hours went by.

Then her mom took out,
A shiny new blade,
It was sharp and without a doubt,
One that she made.

She thrusted the blade,
Right in her chest,
The girl was so afraid,
Miserable at best.

The mom walked away,
Leaving the girl slowly dying,
She grabbed her bear that day,
And again started crying.

Police arrive a little late,
At the small little house,
Then quickly began to escalate,
Everything quiet as a mouse.

One officer slowly,
Opened a door,
To find the little girl lonely,
Lying dead on the floor.

It must have been bad,
To go through so much harm,
But at least she died not too sad,
With her best friend in her arms.

Changes

When it is change we face,
I know I'll run away,
So scared for my past to erase,
And the thoughts of forgetting a day.

Something keeps us holding on,
To every single tear,
Every promise broken we were leaning on,
All these mistakes so clear.

Have you ever felt like this within,
The pieces shattering in your heart,
Your being snapping beneath the skin,
Until you just fall apart.

Lines need to be drawn,
Changes need to be made,
The worse parts of this have come and gone,
And we need help to not fade.

These repeated mistakes,
Make us all sore,
And all the changes it makes,
For we are not sure anymore

We have to move on,
Before time is too big of a cost,
We can't be too far gone,
For we pay for every second lost.

Just let me guide you through this,
And I'll surely be there,
For your happy mood I miss,
And you know I care.

We all know there is something wrong,
I just don't know what I can do,
Just pat your back and say stay strong,
You know I'd do anything for you.

Exhale the Truth

Why can I not change,
Everything I hate about me,
Why can my thoughts not rearrange,
And make the me I want to see?

I know I can't be perfect,
But why must I be so far,
I don't feel it is worth it,
To just wish it all upon a star.

I can't let go of my excessive emotion,
I know because I've lost count of all the times I've tried,
There is not enough room in the deepest ocean,
To hold all the tears that I've cried.

This is more than a crack in the surface,
That needs to be filled,
All these mistakes without purpose,
With all this blood I spilled.

Just bury my head,
And hope to find a way,
Bury it in the red,
In hope to move on to another day.

Will I always hide,
From the true,
Will I ever find inside,
The me I want so cold and blue.

This boy in the mirror,
Is that really me?
Or is it a sum of my fear,
Making my eyes too blind to see.

Maybe change is in my fate,
For I am still in my youth,
In this next breath I create,
May I exhale the truth.

blahhhhh

Deep inside this heart a flame,
Is a soul lost in his depression,
He wants to call out your name,
But he has to learn his lesson.

I just wanted you to know,
That this I didn't mean to do,
I do not know how to show,
How will I break the news to you?

Not Your Playground

I welcome you here,
To this place full of dark and light,
There's nothing to fear,
And you can sleep sound tonight.

I let you here because I trust,
You to be gentle and set me free,
But listen close you must,
To the words coming from me.

This might be a new place,
That you want to explore,
And these tears once written on my face,
Are here if that's what your looking for.

This party is always going,
Whether I want it to or not,
My feeling within is showing,
And occasionally the outside shines while the inside rots.

But I trust you will stay in the light,
And through it you will grow,
Everything will be alright,
As long as you know.

That here you are safe and sound,
Just be careful from the start,
For this is not your playground,
It's my heart.

Once Upon a Love

They are so young,
The truth they don't know,
They share their tongue,
And they think they grow.

But then she cheated,
And it fell apart,
He laid there defeated,
Surrounded by pieces of his heart.

They used to smile at each other,
With their hearts floating high above,
They never thought they'd love another,
Once upon a love.

They were so happy together,
They thought it would never end,
Not everything lasts forever,
Including love my friend.

He just left her one day,
Since he didn't stand a chance,
He said he didn't want it this way,
For she didn't let him in her pants.

They used to want to soar,
Together on the wings of a dove,
But they were never anything more.
Once upon a love.

Why must love come to an end,
More often then it stays,
Why can we not comprehend,
That love often only lasts for days.

Perhaps we never did understand,
How love never was really there,
We were so caught up in holding hands,
That we forgot that love is more than care.

Love is thinking for that someone,
And never about yourself,
Just hoping they are the one,
That will take your heart off the shelf.

For they are happy how the feeling is "ours",
They want to be together when they are sent above,
And when they die their story will be written in the stars,
When it becomes once upon a love.

Your Disease

You have gone too far,
This is all your fault,
I'll take more than a wish upon a star,
To save you from this assault.

Say your final lines,
Before I take your life,
I will show the pain that binds,
Just watch the knife.

Friends stab you in the back,
But as your lover there is a better part,
Here you pay for the morals you lack,
As I stab you through the heart.

Bleed away for you were wrong,
You never guessed I'd call your failure,
You never thought I was this strong,
And could make this cut fit for a tailor.

You will not die here,
That would save you,
Instead you'll live in fear,
For all that you do.

Look me in the eyes,
And smile at me,
You fed me lies,
And now I'm your disease.

One Last Stand

In the worst of all your fears,
You now find yourself in tears,
As these words, they crash your ears,
She becomes the rust upon your gears.

You are left to wonder whats over the hill,
Whether a valley of sorrow, or a water so still,
To cross this ridge, do you have the will,
To find a way for this void to fill.

We all are sometimes sad, we all relate,
We all have had times when we made a mistake,
And these errors are our destinies picked by fate,
Which from our lives they create.

Chasing dreams, is like chasing cars,
We can't run that fast, and we are stuck behind bars,
But just look to the sky, and see these stars,
All of these, they could be ours.

We have plenty of time, according to the hourglasses sand,
So lets travel to a far off land,
It is so simple, just take my hand,
And together we will make one last stand.

Rain On Your Parade

How fake can you be,
You empty-hearted whore,
Now you are worthless to me,
Just a faker and nothing more.

I used to see you,
Through clouded eyes,
But now I know whats true,
And I see through your lies.

Cry the same alibi,
Time and time again,
All you want is to be high,
And live your favorite sin.

At the snap of a guy's finger,
You get on your back,
To take the bee's stinger,
For faith you lack.

So weak you are,
To sink this low,
It will never get you far,
For there's no place to go

Your favorite things to do
I can say without missing a beat,
It is so like you,
To lie, steal, and cheat.

And at the end of the trail,
You will pay for your mistake,
Haunted by your betrayal,
And you will learn the consequences of being fake.

Life is so fun behind the mask,
But this will be your last masquerade,
I love doing this last task,
Time to rain on your parade.